Hi again.
I've gotten a few concerned phone calls and IM's since my post a couple weeks ago, so I'm thinking it's time for a follow-up. You guys have noticed that I'm never really around any more, and I know I've neglected some really good friends lately. Well....it's been rough, I don't know what else to put here.
Classes, interviews/job search (in a profession I don't even like very much but where I'm pretty much stuck now), CA, Finance Manager. I dread opening up my e-mail but I do it compulsively every 5 or 10 minutes, because there's always something, or many somethings, in there that I need to take care of. I've been thinking about my workload versus my life, and seeing the same thing happen to other people....my observations:
1) Less sleep. I get back to the room late with work to do, and when it's time for bed I'm still too wound up, even when exhausted, to sleep. There's too much light in the room and every little noise bothers me, from toilets flushing to (especially) volleyball games right outside my window. I have no patience for noise after quiet hours, and a lot of the time I think that makes me out to be an irritable bitch. I have 8ams every day, every Friday with a quiz, which means Thursday nights are key for me. I really feel like I can't live here like this.
2) Aches and pains. It's not just a tense back, it's my whole body, and last night, my right arm. What I have to say is this: what?? My breasts still ache, and I believe I've gained almost a cup size. If you know me, you know I didn't need to gain almost a cup size. None of my bras fit right anymore and today I'm going to buy new ones. In the meantime, I haven't gained any other weight - I've probably lost a pound or two or three. Cramps are always here and there.
3) No patience. When I'm in a bad mood, my patience level is zero. I can easily find something about every person I encounter to get pissed off about (people I don't know). Things like walking on the left side of the sidewalk....minor things, but they piss me off much, much more than they should.
4) Funny stomach. Sometimes eat everything, sometimes much less than usual. Luckily I just ran out of maple sugar candy so the sugar highs and lows should be gone for now.
5) Mood swings. I used to feel like I could take on the world, mixed in with the usual stress spots - exams, work, classes, interviews, all of those happening simultaneously, you know. Now, I'm miserable a lot more. For the past couple years this 'why do I have to be SO RESPONSIBLE while everyone else PARTIES ALL THE TIME' feeling has grown, and grown, and grown, and now I'm much closer to the snapping point than before. Not as close as when I wrote the entry a few weeks back, but still closer than normal. It's lonely. Ryan is amazing and has this really annoying ability to make me feel better just by being there, but I can't be with Ryan every second of every day. I've cried more in the past couple months than I have in the past 10 years.
So, some of these might be hormonal things from the birth control (starting 3rd month, if it all doesn't disappear you'd better believe I'm switching), and others from the stress of what this semester is to me, but probably all of them are some combination of the two. I am really unhappy with my breasts, and that's what I'm preoccupied with right now. I'm looking into evening primrose oil, which is an herbal supplement very commonly used in some European countries (especially England) to help with sore breasts, as well as things like arthritis. Apparently studies can't conclude one way or the other if it really works, but if it works for Englishwomen, I'll give it a shot. I'm also going to pick up a sleep mask - just having actual dark at night is supposed to be key in producing melatonin, which gives you a good night's sleep and apparently also could prevent cancer.
I'm not living like this for the rest of my life, and I'm not even going to put up with it past this semester. If you're crazy busy like I am (and I know you probably are), and you're unhappy with at least half of what you do (like I am), why do you do it? Is it worth your health?
I think the Europeans have it right. I need a siesta.
I've gotten a few concerned phone calls and IM's since my post a couple weeks ago, so I'm thinking it's time for a follow-up. You guys have noticed that I'm never really around any more, and I know I've neglected some really good friends lately. Well....it's been rough, I don't know what else to put here.
Classes, interviews/job search (in a profession I don't even like very much but where I'm pretty much stuck now), CA, Finance Manager. I dread opening up my e-mail but I do it compulsively every 5 or 10 minutes, because there's always something, or many somethings, in there that I need to take care of. I've been thinking about my workload versus my life, and seeing the same thing happen to other people....my observations:
1) Less sleep. I get back to the room late with work to do, and when it's time for bed I'm still too wound up, even when exhausted, to sleep. There's too much light in the room and every little noise bothers me, from toilets flushing to (especially) volleyball games right outside my window. I have no patience for noise after quiet hours, and a lot of the time I think that makes me out to be an irritable bitch. I have 8ams every day, every Friday with a quiz, which means Thursday nights are key for me. I really feel like I can't live here like this.
2) Aches and pains. It's not just a tense back, it's my whole body, and last night, my right arm. What I have to say is this: what?? My breasts still ache, and I believe I've gained almost a cup size. If you know me, you know I didn't need to gain almost a cup size. None of my bras fit right anymore and today I'm going to buy new ones. In the meantime, I haven't gained any other weight - I've probably lost a pound or two or three. Cramps are always here and there.
3) No patience. When I'm in a bad mood, my patience level is zero. I can easily find something about every person I encounter to get pissed off about (people I don't know). Things like walking on the left side of the sidewalk....minor things, but they piss me off much, much more than they should.
4) Funny stomach. Sometimes eat everything, sometimes much less than usual. Luckily I just ran out of maple sugar candy so the sugar highs and lows should be gone for now.
5) Mood swings. I used to feel like I could take on the world, mixed in with the usual stress spots - exams, work, classes, interviews, all of those happening simultaneously, you know. Now, I'm miserable a lot more. For the past couple years this 'why do I have to be SO RESPONSIBLE while everyone else PARTIES ALL THE TIME' feeling has grown, and grown, and grown, and now I'm much closer to the snapping point than before. Not as close as when I wrote the entry a few weeks back, but still closer than normal. It's lonely. Ryan is amazing and has this really annoying ability to make me feel better just by being there, but I can't be with Ryan every second of every day. I've cried more in the past couple months than I have in the past 10 years.
So, some of these might be hormonal things from the birth control (starting 3rd month, if it all doesn't disappear you'd better believe I'm switching), and others from the stress of what this semester is to me, but probably all of them are some combination of the two. I am really unhappy with my breasts, and that's what I'm preoccupied with right now. I'm looking into evening primrose oil, which is an herbal supplement very commonly used in some European countries (especially England) to help with sore breasts, as well as things like arthritis. Apparently studies can't conclude one way or the other if it really works, but if it works for Englishwomen, I'll give it a shot. I'm also going to pick up a sleep mask - just having actual dark at night is supposed to be key in producing melatonin, which gives you a good night's sleep and apparently also could prevent cancer.
I'm not living like this for the rest of my life, and I'm not even going to put up with it past this semester. If you're crazy busy like I am (and I know you probably are), and you're unhappy with at least half of what you do (like I am), why do you do it? Is it worth your health?
I think the Europeans have it right. I need a siesta.
posted by Laura at 4:11:00 PM
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