It's been awhile since I've done an 'it's late and I should be in bed' post, and I didn't want to leave anyone thinking I'd completely broken wth that tradition. Yes you, you silent readers. I know you're there, I can call you out by name, you just don't leave comments. That's ok, it means I feel completely free to write disturbing and personal things about Jess (although she's busy and I haven't commented for awhile in hers either), Julie (same), Ryan, Ashton, Sam, Paul, Steph C, Steph L, Shawn, Eric Hole, Brandon, Brendan, or the others who probably read it but have never said anything. It's cool. Whatever.

For the last week and a half I've had no work to do at work. No work-related work. It's been a lot of internet nonsense and personal errands and phone calls. I half-expect to be handed a prinout of all the dirty IM conversations and questionable websites (does collegehumor.com count? What about the hotlinks?) and to be told not to let the door hit my ass on the way out. Buuuut that probably won't happen, I know I'm not getting a permanent offer, so why throw more dirt on the grave. What can I say, sometimes summer interns just don't have the right 'I don't know what' to truly fit in as a mindless salaried worker drone. I may not have picked the right profession. I think I need something that occasionally requires stunt doubles or late-night trips to prison. Know of any openings?

I have a great idea for a business venture, but I won't tell you unless you agree to invest first. I accept Paypal.

I realize that 1) there is often a big white space before my posts show up and 2) there are a couple spelling/grammatical mistakes in the one from August 1st. Too bad.

Ryan's out of town this weekend. So, my weekend is now booked more solidly than I've ever booked a weekend before. Here's the plan:

Friday (today): After work, help my brother pick up his brand new used Mitsubishi Eclipse Spyder, a hot little red convertible number that I'll hopefully get to drive. Later on, go pick up one of my only remaining high school friends in town, Jen, and head to Illusions to meet an old Lake Compounce buddy and country-line dance the night away (it's hot, trust me - SUGGESTIVE country line dancing). Little sister having a sleepover, expect house to be infested with 13 year-old girls.

Saturday: A much anticipated visit to what Julie and I have been calling the "oven fixer" in the morning - it's actually a doctor's office, the kind with stirrups. In the afternoon, rug shopping for school with the J girls (Jess and Julie) and then a Sex and the City girls' night at my mom's cousin's house in Watertown, where I will be house/dog/catsitting for the rest of the weekend. I'm watching a house, two psycho cats, and a geriatric dog who might die on me, poop in the house, or both.

Sunday: My grandmother's 70 or 80-something birthday (I think 76 or 77), with a guarantee to be woken up by around 6 by aforementioned geriatric dog. Ryan comes home at night.

Monday: Woken up again by fuzzy geriatric dog alarm clock, feed the zoo, off to Simsbury for last week of work at The Hartford.....in Simsbury.

What Women Want

I'll solve the mystery right here and now. There's an unfortunately common Catch-22 going around in my generation, and it goes something like this:

Our boy (Jack) likes a girl (Jill). He likes her a lot, and asks her out. Jill, seeing the potential in Jack, and that he is a nice guy, decides to give it a chance. Jack and Jill are together for a few months, and Jack is rapidly falling for Jill. Jill is completely aware of this, and while she doesn't return the feelings with the same intensity, she knows she feels happy and safe and that she is where she wants to be.

A guy's question: Why is Jill with Jack if she doesn't love him back?

My answer: She's not going to end it just because she doesn't return the sentiment just yet. She likes him a lot, give her time.

Back to the story. Jill knows how Jack feels, because she is not stupid. Jack does not outright tell her - what he's experiencing puts him off his game, and the last thing he wants is to screw it up with Jill by saying the wrong thing. So, he plays it safe. He won't tell her unless she can tell him back.

Here's where my incredible, 20 year-old insight comes in, and the whole Catch-22 thing: Jack won't tell her because he doesn't want to screw it up, and because it's a pride-buster to not get the return he needs. Keep in mind that Jill knows how he feels. She watches her normally confidant, take-charge boyfriend become a wuss as he finds every possible way to let her know how he feels without ever telling her directly. She needs him to be a man and say it. He needs her make him feel that she returns the feeling, so it's safe to say it.

Women want confidance - it's an instinctual thing. We seek the mate who will be most likely to impregnate us and create strong, healthy offspring. While this doesn't necessarily mean that we go around theorizing about your sperm, it does mean that a confident, even cocky attitude is a hell of a lot more attractive than an insecure, self-deprecating one. That's why girls date assholes and a lot of nice guys end up falling by the wayside. In Jack and Jill's case, Jill finds Jack's insecurity on the whole 'feelings' issue a turnoff. On the other hand, we can't really expect Jack to be so upfront about his feelings when there's the possibility he'll be shot down.

It's not easy to put yourself out on an emotional limb. But maybe if Jack did, that act of confidence would be the one that pushes Jill into realizing how much of a great guy he really is. Plus, who doesn't want to be loved?

Sometimes women really do need men to take the lead. It's not always fair, and people will get hurt, but there it is.