The Ladder Theory

Ever hear of the Ladder Theory? Check out the link above if not. A brief synopsis:

Every girl a guy meets (minus relatives) is automatically rated somewhere on the guy's "people I want to fuck" ladder. Given she could be really, really low on the ladder, but that still counts as being on the ladder. Now, girls have two ladders - one for "people I want to fuck," and one for "friends." Every guy she meets goes on one, and only one, of those ladders. The guy on the friend ladder who wants to be more than a friend, has to decide whether to stay close by maintaining his status on the friend ladder, or find a way to jump ladders. Clearly, the latter is extremely hazardous, and there is a risk of falling into "the abyss."

With that said, there have been successful ladder jumps. I think. Maybe the guy really was on the first ladder to begin with. But I think I've read about it working, somewhere. Rest assured, it would have to be handled very, very carefully.

So guys, the next time you have an opportunity to tell your best female buddy how you really feel about her, make sure this is really the choice you want to make. Evaluate your situation - are you sure you can really avoid the abyss? Assuming you've made the choice, and you're ready to approach the subject, I have one point of advice. Avoid, at all costs, the following phrase:

"Can I take my dick out?"

The cat KNOWS it's my favorite blanket...

and she sleeps on it anyway.

I'm home for my last "spring" break, and by "spring" I mean early March. Is it normal for a cat to wheeze? I came home very early yesterday morning, about 2:15am. I expected to get home, lug my stuff in as quietly as humanly possible, and sneak into my new hand-me-down full size bed (parents finally decided to upgrade to a queen size, so I got the old frame - sweet!) When I pulled into the driveway (I had an awesome drive, was wide awake, sang at the top of my lungs, one of those, ya know?), I noticed that the porch light was off. I stayed in the car long enough to send a text message, and then I look up again - the porch light was on. Damn! I had woken someone up! But how was that possible? In this house (as opposed to the old one in the middle of the woods) you can't hear people arrive and you can't see headlights from the master bedroom. It turns out my father couldn't sleep, had been worried about me driving home in the wind, and had stayed up in the family room watching TV. Wow. I hadn't even been sure I was going to drive home that night. Then, rummaging for a snack in the kitchen, I found a copy of "chicken soup for the parent's soul." It's nice to start a vacation with a healthy helping of humility.

My parents went off to Mohegan Sun last night to see Toby Keith in concert. They stayed over (but not at the casino because it was too expensive, they found a nice Quality Inn instead, and that's why my parents are my heroes), so the kid sister and I fended for ourselves by largely ignoring each other, then me dragging her shopping for a birthday present for mom, then making waffles and watching Prince of Egypt. My mom spent her night getting sick on 1 martini, and most of 1 vodka tonic because she "didn't want to mix her liquors and the martinis were too sweet." She had dinner at 4:30 and martinis at midnight, and didn't understand why her 4'11", 108 pound self decided to rebel. I think this is hilarious.

Today I made a Spectular Discovery in the basement - a crepe machine from 1978! Another cast-aside wedding gift that managed to make its way, in the original packaging, from old house to new....was that 2 years ago? 3? I know I started this blog before we moved. Anyway, I took it out, cleaned it up, my mom made some mushroomy chickeny leftover mix thing, I made crepes, and we had crepes for dinner. And then we filled them with ice cream. Add a glass of red wine and it was a good time. I like home.