Did paper, read books, studied fake math (a.k.a. statistics), slept little. Tomorrow should be fun - after handing in my whopping 3.5 page book report (I'm succinct, dammit), I'll try not to sleep through poli sci, then stats exam which I WILL get another A on even if I don't completely know the material, then history quiz/discussion on the book I read today. "Under A Cruel Star" by Heda Kovaly. Very sad, depressing. After those classes will be a nap, taking care of going home stuff, saying goodbye to Shawn stuff (for a whole few days), dinner stuff, then Jujutsu testing stuff. If I can pull it all off correctly, I might move up to orange belt. No, I will. (Of course if I don't, I'm just setting myself up for feelings of inadequacy and disappointment). After the whole coming back and taking a shower thing, which total takes until like 10:30/10:45, there's still econ homework. Friday morning is econ, at which hopefully the TA will be an anti-dick and let us out early, then stopping by public speaking to find out how I did on my speech today. Oh yeah, I did a speech today too...

Eric Hole is cool. I started double-spacing after sentences on all my papers - they look better now. That doesn't apply to my blog. Maybe it will eventually. I'm really sick of the pink, but I don't have to look at it. I just type here where everything's normal and black and white, and then whenever I chance to actually read it, I'm like whoa.....the pink....

Laura go sleep now.

Lalalala.....one little paper, one big paper, two speeches, one exam, two books, and one homework assignment for the week.


Then home for a week, then back here for a week, then finals. Not looking forward to break. I like it here.

Procrastinating horrifically. Taking shower to clear mind.


That never works.

Tomorrow at 2 my dad's gonna come pick me up. If I'm not here, at Jujutsu, class, Jujutsu again, or work this weekend, it's because I'm home. The wake is tomorrow. The funeral is Friday. Dad said he would bring me back pretty much whatever day I want, so I may not have to miss stuff this weekend....this is why I should be one step ahead of everything. When something throws me a step back, I'll still be heading in the right direction.

God, enough about ME. It almost sickens me that all my thoughts turn to myself and MY life when something like this happens. I can't imagine how my mom is feeling right now. Or my aunts.

Shawn is being wonderful. I couldn't possibly ask for anything more.

It's funny observing the different ways in which different people react to someone who is (or should be) mourning. Some are instantly and almost overly sympathetic. Some take the 'you're still you, I'm going to treat you the same way I always do' approach. Some are very uncomfortable and avoid eye contact at all costs. And some understand so hard that you don't need to fumble for words to describe how you feel because they just know. Everyone says "If there's anything I can do/anything you need..." and they mean it. But you can only have so much emotional support before you go numb, and you don't want to dwell. Dwelling is bad. So you don't tell everyone, at least maybe not right away. Because you still need time to deal and think. I don't think that's something that naturally happens at a funeral service. I think that can only happen naturally, days, weeks, months, even years after the fact. One day it finally hits you that Dana's gone, Mr. Kelly's gone, Grammie is gone. Mentally, Grammie's been gone for a long time...I think we all made our peace with that just as gradually as her mind deteriorated over the years.

But that's not what I want to remember. I want to remember the Italian grandmother who made the best meatballs (better than my Grandma, but don't tell her I said that), listened to NPR, bought us licorice bites, and couldn't stand Puerto Ricans. She had a hell of a nasty temper, but I never saw it. The only times I had a glimpse of it was when she broke up a fight between my aunts. I'm searching through the memories, trying to find the ones that "matter". Like if I find one significant enough, it will trigger something and I'll cry. I haven't made my peace yet.


Rest in peace Grammie, I know you are now.
Josephine (DeSomma) Bartolini, born 1929, died November 11, 2003.
3 daughters
3 grandchildren

My grandmother died this morning.

Today feels surreal. I wanted to sit down somewhere outside and stare blankly into space for awhile, but everything was wet. Maybe I'll do that tomorrow.

We were all expecting this for a long time, but I don't really know what that means. Does it make it better?

Peoplesoft does NOT like my computer. Nope, definitely not.


Hm, what else should I write?

Jessica Kukielka is awesome.

No really, she is.

I really need to get things done.

There are loud things happening in my room.

Next year maybe I'll be an RA.

RAs get singles.

Shawn's downstairs practicing downstairs with Dottie (the band).

Maybe I'll go visit.

It's cold outside.

Need to take a shower.

11 more days til T-break.

But I'll miss being up here.

*yawn*

2 more weeks.

Happy Friday.

I registered for classes about an hour and a half ago, or rather tried to register....apparently when Peoplesoft tells you that classes are open, it's lying. Filthy, dirty liar.....so yeah, I short a couple classes, but it's definitely not for lack of trying. It'll work out. Yes it will.

Thursday night was movies, last night was supposed to be Providence to some random club with a bunch of random people - friends from Jujutsu, roommates of girlfriends of friends from Jujutsu, etc. At some point the decision got made that we didn't want to drive out to Providence after all, so we started for Illusions, called Illusions from the highway, found out they were closed, ended up in Hartford, drove around for maybe an hourish (?), gave up and came back to campus, ended up in Alumni. Smirnoff Ice and wings. Wish I could've stayed awake longer. Bed maybe 3ish again, dragged ass/self to class this morning, came back and took a shower, more class, then food, then work. Here I am. Shawn and crew are coming up at five, whereupon we'll all have a merry expedition to Towers dining hall. After that, I don't care what happens as long as I don't have to move. Lazy movie night ahead. :)

Warning: Matrix 3 spoilers ahead.

Things that could have made "The Matrix" better:

1) more death
2) less Keanu Reeves

But really, how much did you expect? It filled my expectations - friggin amazing special effects, and crazy exploding machine death battles.

lelila1015: Trinity: "Neo....I just wanted to tell you....that when you brought me back....I got the chance to say everything I needed to say....because then I could....."
lelila1015: "Kiss me!"
lelila1015: Neo: "Who said that?"

Kitsune Zero 179: and the giant machine thing was the SUN
Kitsune Zero 179: or something
lelila1015: Hehe, I thought it looked a lil like the statue of liberty at first
Kitsune Zero 179: i thought it was a giant floating gerber baby head
lelila1015: LOL
Kitsune Zero 179: i'm serious
Kitsune Zero 179: i couldnt stop laughing

lelila1015: What do you think about the little girl?
Kitsune Zero 179: what the hell was she?
Kitsune Zero 179: the sunrise.exe??

Kitsune Zero 179: but godDAMN reeves cant act for shit
lelila1015: no, he never could
Kitsune Zero 179: i wanted to claw MY eyes out at his performance

Ahhhhhhhhh ok, crunch time. Here til Thanksgiving. If I can write lots of papers, get lots of A's, go to a lot of dumb events for smart people, and maybe take Accounting over the winter break, I'm golden. I can stay in the Honors program and get that Sophomore Certificate after all (provided I take like 3 Honors classes next semester.....fun). But I can have my major, I can have my minor (which it turns out is pretty easy to get), and if I take a couple summer and intersession classes, I can maybe graduate on time! But I have to write an Honors thesis. That's all what's on my mind right now.

So, I'm in a happy relationship, I don't live at home, I'm doing really good in classes, and I have a ride to work tonight. I think I'm going to invest some of my savings - no point in my money not working for me. Overall, life is good. I spent alllll day Saturday with Shawn, hiking around campus taking pictures, going out to eat and to Wal-Mart with his family.....fun day, if I was ultra-exhausted by the end of it. Halloween was interesting - dressed up, went with Jo, Kevin, and two of Kevin's roommates to one of the big music people parties. Funnily enough, it got broken up by the cops by 11ish. I wasn't that into it, so I didn't mind. Went to Kevin's apartment, then to Jo's apartment, then back here where there was some drama playing out - got to bed at 4am. Then the next day got up at 10 to run around taking pictures with Shawn. So Sunday I was kinda out of it - the usual laundry/homework thing, work, and ended up at Shawn's (again), watching Sunday night cartoons with his friends, who are rapidly becoming my friends, because they're all so damn cool. That's right, you're all friggin cool.

Ooh! Guess what I did last night that I never did before? (I was telling Jess and Julie about this today, and that's what prompted Julie's current 'multiple orgasm' away message.) No, it wasn't that - I voted! By absentee ballot, that is. Just a lot of little local Plymouth officials, but still. I feel important. Just like in that book I'm reading...."How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie - what everybody really, truly craves is to be somehow important. That was a bit of a tangent, wasn't it? Ah well, it's a good book.

Getting ready for work!